LilButtCheeks

So early this past summer I was playing this videogame called Riders Republic which is one of the most relaxing games I have ever played. I would ride virtual mountains and listen to lectures for a summer course that I was taking. It was great. The little kid inside of me wanted to go and buy a mountain bike so that I could go start learning tricks. I started watching the already popular Road Bike Party with Mark Ashton. I was obsessed for a few weeks until the realization hit me. As a distance runner I didn’t feel like I could make the time for mountain bikes and insane tricks just yet. That time could come but I had to be realistic with myself. There was this one level with road bikes that really caught my attention because of the realization. Most endurance athletes have had to cross train to some level given injury pop ups and even just to mix things up when things get a bit monotonous as this sport can be. The safest bet for me and my money with this new interest in bikes was to go for a road or gravel bike, something that could be used productively even if I ended up not being as enthusiastic about it a few months down the line. But rather than just buying a bike, I parted out an old frame and made my own. This is that story.

To start, I didn’t know anything about bikes up to this point. I just thought that it would be cool to get something that I could have some drop bars on(they got those cool little swoops that come down, almost like ram horns) and rest my noodles on for a bit.

I got an old frame from a bike that was lying around in the shed and stripped it down, bare metal. Normally I would’ve sanded it but this time I used paint stripper, and when I tell you that stuff burns when it gets on your skin I mean it. So keep your skin covered if you ever begin the process. I got the paint stripped off , painted it up nice and red, and got some decals made that matched the font of the originals but had my own twist.

At this point I was excited and thought I was on a roll. But I was wrong.

After a full summer, mind you I thought that this project would only take a couple weeks, I barely had the frame ready to go. The groupset I ended up with was a brand new Shimano 105 R7000, “the groupset of the people”, and it came it a bunch of bubble wrap. The cassette, or the gears, were set up originally as an 11-speed but didn’t fit on the rear wheel hub. The adapter I bought for my front derailleur was the wrong size, my crankset barely cleared the chain stays and my both my rear and front brakes were too short and didn’t reach the wheels.

Now if you decide to do this in the future, I would recommend going with a smaller cassette, as many budget wheels seem to accommodate a 10-speed over an 11. Also, the mountain bike frame with the road bike groupset works, but with a lot of modification.

With all of the setbacks, I got the bike going over winter break, seven months after the start of the build.

On the road I was, thirty miles to go and it was going smooth. My excitement was energizing me as I sailed down the hills of the Ozarks and their windy backroads. Other than a dog absolutely bolting after me I was chillin.

I made it to 12.62 miles and all of a sudden I lost traction. I looked down and the left crank arm had come off. I pulled over and got to work on the bike. Luckily my sister came and picked me up, but not before I sat on the side of the road, waving to the passing cars.

The problem was that the bottom bracket was too wide and not enough of the teeth on the left crank arm were engaging the spindle. Basically, the pedal arm was slipping and so it just wobbled off after about forty-five minutes. Although I got it back on, my sister was already on the way, and the hills on the way back were menacing, making my faith in the poorly tightened crank and my lilbuttcheeks falter.

I got home and I got the bike going again. The maiden voyage of the LilButtCheeks bike was a failure, but this is not the end. I will accomplish this route without such a massive problem, but until then, it stays on the stationary setup, waiting, planning, readying itself for glory.

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Until next time, stay well stay swell.